PART 4: Infidelity's imprisonment

Dream your pictures, paint your dreams. Don't let life get you down. Stay strong & rise above your circumstances. Each storm will pass you by and a new dawn will come. This is Part 4 of a 5-part series on Infidelity. Start reading it from my postings on 10 October 2008.

4...BREAKING THROUGH & BREAKING OUT OF THE BONDAGE OF INFIDELITY

It was in the past weeks that I heard of 2 cases of infidelity that happened to people I knew and who were good people. How did they fall into such a situation? How could they have sacrificed all that they stood for to enjoy fleeting moments of pleasure? Their family suffered greatly and the emotional scars that they left behind would take a long time to heal.

How can such people break out and break free from these bondages which often hold them in their grip often for life? I have no easy answers but I know it can be done. I know because I have been there before and for years I was living such a clandestine existence trying to hide from the shadow of emotions that were seared and scarred. Hidden secrets and illicit relationships are like wounds that never heal. They are never healed because there is no attempt to dig out all the roots of infidelity. It is when the roots are completely plucked out that infidelity has a chance of redress. Not even a small portion of its roots can be left behind because all it needs is a small little lump and it soon grows its ugly shoot again.

4.1...THERE IS A NEED TO FIRST CUT OFF THE "TRUNK" OF INFIDELITY

The first preliminary step is to first cut off the "trunk" of infidelity. This is to remove the relationship and to end whatever liaison is existing. This is very important as a preliminary step so that the influence of the pleasures of stolen sex is ended. Remember what I am saying here - it is only a preliminary step. If ending the relationship is the only action, there will soon be a resumption of that old relationship or even new relationships because the roots have not been dealt with. The cutting of the trunk is very often done only when there is exposure of the situation. Being caught and exposed is not a voluntary act and so up until such a time, there is still usually no willingness to move beyond this point. Many men actually go back to their old habits and when they do so, the later problem often gets much worse than the former position. Usually, when this happens, separation and divorce inevitably follows and many lives would have badly damaged 'psyche' because of this. Sometimes, the cutting of the "trunk" comes because there is deep inner remorse and an overwhelming desire for repentance. This can happen at a special meeting or occasion where God is met in a spiritual encounter. Such a situation usually stands a better chance of having the roots extracted because there is already a willingness for it.

4.2...NEXT THERE MUST BE A WILLINGNESS TO EXPUNGE ALL THE ROOTS

Interestingly, the key word here is "willingness" and not expunge all the roots. Without such a willingness, the destruction of the roots cannot follow. How is such a willingness drawn out? It can come only with a repentance that touches the spirit. It has to be a deep repentance and it must usually follow with confession. I am convinced that it is better to bring it out to the open at least before God. Forgiveness must be seeked from having being in such a position and unless that change is one that is empowered by God, some of the roots will linger.

It is interesting to see how a man in a position of infidelity would react and respond to the situation. It is tough because it involves "face", ego and dignity and often that man in such a situation is subject to a great deal of embarassment and humiliation. The greater tendency after some time of reflection would be to stand and fight rather than to give in ot the ignominy of it all. A man involved with such a situation would have his entire reputation called into question and many would not be prepared to drop into such realms of brokenness just for restoration to come. The defensive stance is very tragic because accusations, lies and cross-accusation would come strongly into play. The truth will be pushed aside in such situations and both oppressor and victim would carry ong-term scars of such an emotional conflict. For the man in such a situation, his attempt to justify his despicable actions would carry with it grave consequences. He would probably continue to live such a lie in his life until his closing years. There will be great bitterness in his life and the anger of self-vindication will likely be destructive, to say the least. Again and again, I have seen such men fall into estrangement even with their own families. In their closing years, their families will probably forsake them and the tragedy of unhealed wounds will congeal in their emotions.

A PERSONAL WORD OF ADVICE

Let me say to men who are in such a position that they have really only one viable option if they are to restore their standing and faith - and that is to 'come clean'. It is far better for those who have fallen into such a state to make a new beginning to come back because such a lesson will make that man a likely blessing to others in his later years. Someone who comes back and determines to make his life a different one will have a clear chance to rise again to the high heights of excellence. It is the really strong personality who will admit that he has erred. That recognition makes it possible for him to go into the next two restorative steps.....

4.3...THE FOLLOWING MOVE MUST BE TO EXPUNGE ALL REMAINING ROOTS

I used to have a huge garden in one of my previous houses. I remember how weeds will grow very quickly in my garden. One type of weed that grew thick in its branches had deep roots. I used to cut off the surface growth and try to destroy part of its root system. However, I found that the weeds will soon grow back again even stronger. Digging out the roots of the weeds was not easy and it required effort. But each time that I went down deep and took out all the roots, I found that it would not grow again for a long time. This is the same thing with infidelity. It is a terrible "weed" that must be completely taken out. The secret to taking it all out is the big issue. How can this be effectively done?

I believe that there must be a spiritual correction to what is a spiritual problem. The sexual union in the infidelity would have reached down deep into the spirit (remember the 4 parts of response). The destruction of that spiritual root is best dealt with in a restorative spiritual act - asking God for forgiveness and seeking him to bring deliverance and expulsion of the spiritual roots through repentance, forgiveness, restitution and restoration. There has to follow a time of coming before God in prayer and meditation. The highest form of repentance is a spiritual repentance driven by the divine.

NEXT: THE FINAL PART: A LIFE-LONG ISSUE - HOW TO STAY FREE!