My Grandchidren My loves

TO DANIEL, DANIELLE, JORDAN AND JAYDEN (the loves of my life)

Daniel (Da Da) & Danielle (El El)

THE DAY OF YOUR MIGRATION IS FINALLY HERE
The day has come. I saw you and Danielle together with your Mummy and Daddy walk into the Immigration area and I was so sad. It really tore me up to see you walking out of my life and yet you must go. It is for your future and I have no doubts you will have a much brighter future in Australia.

Migrating is such a huge word for me. It is a word that has a connotation of separation and being apart. Every time I think of both of you being away from me, I worry about the impact that it would have on both of you. You have been under my umbrella for so many years and I have been a part of your everyday life for so long I cannot imagine a future where we will be apart from each other.

I cried and I had to turn away in order that the others will not see my tears. How I wish I was going with you, sharing with you and caring for you in the years ahead. But life is never a perfect situation. Parting is a part of life and I will have to accept it. Go with my best wishes, my love and grow up to be a strong young man confident in whatever you do.

WE WILL MISS YOU MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW
Last night I looked at you Daniel as you slept by my side as you have for so many years. I think your going away will be much less of an impact on you than it will be on your ‘Ah Ma’ and your ‘Koong koong’. I think you should be more worried for us than we for you. The sudden gap that will be created for us will be huge and to some extent frightening. To say we will miss you will be an understatement. For both of us, it will be a psychological schism in our lives. It will be like a cut that will take a long time to heal. That is because both of you have been a part of us – so close that it is like tearing our arms from us.

Da Da, El El, Jordan & Jayden,

A YEARNING UNFILLED – NO GRANDFATHER’S LOVE FOR ME
You will never realize how much we love all of you until perhaps when you grow up one day. Do you know that I never had the chance to know my Grandfather and my Grandmother. I have heard so often about how grandparents are so great companions and mentors for grandchildren but I never had that chance to know what it is like. For so many years, I yearned for a Grandfather and a Grandmother who could love me with an ‘everlasting’ love like I read in the story books but it was always an empty page. For all four of you, you have grandparents all round who dote on you. Be grateful for it and love them the way they love you.

YOU WERE BORN TO BE A WINNER
I want to tell all f you that you were born to be a winner! Never ever doubt that. It is so sad to see in this world so many people who walk with their heads down and who look as if there is so little to look forward to for them. Life does not have to be this way. Even when things are really tough, there is always hope.

Let me tell you about my childhood. I had very weak legs and I started walking at 2+ years. When I was growing up, I used to be last in everything and I had few friends because they all thought I was too much of a weakling for them. Every time we play the game called “Police and thief” where the players are split into two teams, nobody will want to choose me to be in their team. If I was the odd one out, they will give me away to the other team. This terrible rejection created in me great insecurity. I used to cry myself to sleep. Then when I was 9, I started realizing that I could do something about my shortcomings. I realize that if I practiced twice as hard and trained much much more than the others, I could catch up and that’s what I did. Slowly but surely I caught up and today I have overtaken all the boys who were so far ahead of me. Daniel, Danielle, Jordan and Jayden, you can be winners and there is nothing to stop you if you are willing to pay the price.

TO BE THE BEST GRANDFATHER TO ALL OF YOU….
That was why I purposed that I will be a ‘really good’ grandfather to all of you grandchildren and I believed I have done that well. I always thought Grandfathers will be too old to do things with their grandchildren and I thought that they would probably only play with their grandchildren once in a while and be useful only when they are required to look after them. I now know that such a view is wrong.

HOLDING ON TO THOSE SPECIAL MOMENTS
But I have been blessed. I have never let that Grandfather tag choke me down and limit me to what people think Grandfathers should do – sit in rocking chairs and relax their life away. I guess you could call me unconventional but I love this life and I will continue doing it until my last breath. So Daniel and Danielle, we have had some really great times and some really special moments. I hope to have some of these special moments with Jordan and Jayden too. I am looking forward to such times.

This part for you Daniel,

TO YOU DANIEL – I GIVE YOU MY HEART
Daniel, you and I have really had a special 10+ years together. When I saw you coming out into this world, I told my self, “This boy will be the one I give the best part of my heart too.” That’s what I have done all this time. I have loved you with all of my heart, more than I have ever loved anyone else. Ah Ma won’t be very happy when she hears this but that’s how it is. She won’t admit it but I think that is how she feels too. She says she loves me very much but I can see that there are sometimes reservations. But when she tells you she loves you, I can see that there is no reservation. So if someone were to cut up my heart, they will see that there is not one empty space without love for you.

I love the rest of you (Danielle, Jordan and Jayden) with an overwhelming love too. My heart is big enough to have love enough for all of you. Don’t think too much about the feelings I expressed for Daniel. It is just that he came under special circumstances and he had the opportunity to be an integral part of our lives for more than 10 years.

THE SPEICAL TIMES WE HAD TOGETHER – SOME CRAZY TIMES TOO
I will remember the special moments well Da Da and they will be etched in my mind forever. I remember changing nappies for you and cleaning up the mess when there was no one else around. At 6 months of age, I took you and strapped you to me and we rode on my Honda Goldwing to a wedding. Can you imagine the look of the host and the guests at that wedding when they saw me riding up with you a six month old baby. You should have seen their open mouths and their shocked look. But you were chuckling merrily as you felt the wind in your face.

WE REALLY HAD SOME GREAT ESCAPADES
Most evenings, you will look forward to me coming home and taking you for a ride. We had great rides together – more on my Goldwing that any other bike. I remember taking you for a ride round the whole of Petaling Jaya. Your mother and Grandmother were horrified when they heard about our escapades.

THE FIRST TIME TO AUSTRALIA – WHAT A LOUD TRIP
As a family, we went out to many interesting destinations together. I will never forget taking you to Perth the first time when you were still so young. You cried non-stop the minute the plane took off. I could see that the other passengers were thinking how bad parents we were. It seemed as if we could not even pacify our own son. They were mistaken because we looked so young (ahem). For a few moments, strangling you did cross my mind but looking back now, it was a joy to be able to love you even when you were crying.

WE HAD SUCH GREAT TIMES ON THE GAYANA SOJOURN & MORE
Then I took you for many other different trips. I am sure you will remember Gayana Island Resort. O, you really loved that resort. For the three days we were there, you went everywhere with me. I was so afraid, you might fall off the plank walk and have problems in the sea. Those few days together were really great times. I took you for long walks and each time, you would end up being piggy-backed by me. I am so thankful to God for giving me so much strength all through your growing up years. Do you know that I carried you more than you walked yourself. If love is like this, then I want to tell you that I was madly in love with you. You were never too heavy for me. Even when we walked the waterfalls of Bukit Tinggi and I had to carry your through those streams of rushing waters, you were never too heavy. My motivation was love!

I CARRIED YOU WITH ARMS OF LOVE
I will never forget the time when you were already 9 years old and almost 40 kilos heavy. We had arrived at the 130 acre land in Bukit Tinggi where we had to walk up that long steep stretch of gravel road up to the top of the land. It was a 500 feet steep incline that stretched over a short journey. Most ordinary people had difficulties pulling themselves up that incline. I carried you up. Every step was so tough that I wanted to give up. But I persisted. I just focused my mind on love and that gave me the strength and the endurance to persevere through. What great joy it was to reach that mountain top with you. It was to prepare us for the tougher things to come.

I CARRIED YOU AGAIN WHEN YOU FELL AT GRACEHILL ORCHARD LODGE
Just a few months back, you had grown to be quite big and I told myself that I will not be able to carry you on outings again. Then came that big training walk down the hills of Kokol where you fell. It was a really bad bruise and your leg was swollen. We were still 1½ kilometers from the Lodge. You could barely walk. Without a moment’s hesitation, I reached out and asked you to climb up behind me. I carried you through that distance uphill. Many of the other climbers thought I would not be able to make it. But I did. I succeeded because like the earlier times, I carried you on the arms of love.

OVERCOMING THE FEARS OF WATER & HEIGHT
At the age of 5, we all agreed that swimming would be important for you. After all, both your Aunty Cindy and Aunty Lindy are National Champions. So your Aunties and your Mummy and many others tried to teach you but they all failed. You were so afraid of water, afraid of the dark and afraid of heights after the neighbor’s dog bit you. Every time you went to the water’s edge, you will cringe in fear. Nothing anyone did could make you overcome it. It took me a long time but step-by-step, I taught you to deal with your fear of water. Soon, you were swimming and you discovered the joys of swimming. Today, you can not only swim well, but you can also dive decently.

THE HOURS WE HAD ON THE HIGH PLATFORM OF FUN IN GOL
Remember the high platform in the GOL Lodge in Bukit Tinggi. That is where we spent years of great fun and revelry taking jumps high into the air from that 8 foot platform. You used to be really impressed by my back somersaults and front somersaults. Of course I could have taught you all these tricks as well but we will have time for these in the future as you grow up.

We used to spend hours in the sun there with your Mummy, Aunty Alice, Aunty Sam, Uncle Chris Kim, Uncle Albert and Aunty Cavyn. Those were highlights that will stand you in good stead for the rest of your life. We had so many happy moments and so many nights of singing, dancing and screaming our heads out.

THE RICHNESS OF A CHILDHOOD THAT HAD SO MUCH ADVENTURE
Yes there were so many more highlights in your life that came from being with me. Your Grandmother has complained much about my life of adventure but I want to think that such a life had brought great influences into the lives of your Mummy and your two other Aunties. Without going so much into the other phases of great fun which we had, doing things together (and I think I am being blamed somewhat for your reluctance to study), I must say your childhood has been as rich as it could have been. Riding with you as my pillion on my BMW F650 bike to Bukit Tinggi was one such highlight for me. Your trust in me was absolute. I pray that you will trust God as much if not more from now on.

Dear Da Da, El El, Jordan and Jayden,

WITHOUT GOD, LITTLE ELSE WOULD MATTER – LOVE HIM ALWAYS
God has been such a great help to me and I want to tell you that unlike other human beings, he will not fail you nor forsake you. If there is one request that I would like to make, I will want you to love God and trust him with all of your heart. Someone who knows the presence of God and his grace and his mercy will always walk right. This is very important. You will have many people who will come into your life and influence you in the wrong ways. This is where God can help you know who are the good ones and who are the bad ones you should avoid.

PICK THE RIGHT FRIENDS AND TRUST GOD
Learning to pick the right friends will be one of the most important things for all of you in Australia. The reason why I lived such a great life is largely because of the great friends that I made along the way. Many of them were great influences for me and they pointed me in the ways of positive and constructive paths that took me to achievements that were meaningful.

Let me emphasize trusting God again. A life without God is futile and hopeless. You have no bright tomorrows that you can look forward to. Never forget this. Each time you read this blog, think hard when you come to this part. Will “Koong Koong” ever tell you a lie? I want the best for you only and what I have to say here is critical for you to live a life that is worth living for. Trust God, love him, commune with him and let him lead your way.

Yes Da Da, This is for you!

A JOURNEY OF DISCOVERY – WE CONQUERED MT KINABALU
Finally for this posting, I want to share a bit about your most recent trip with me. This is the trip up Mount Kinabalu on 4 April 2008. I want to make a confession now. When I saw that you had not trained enough for the climb up South-East Asia’s highest mountain and that you were overweight, I was worried sick. I thought that you would not be able to make it but I was also determined to get you to the top whatever the difficulties.

YOU CLIMBED MOUNT KINABALU – YOU DEFINITELY HAVE THE SEEDS OF GREATNESS IN YOU
Having your Mummy there with us was a great great help. Your successful ascent to the top was a result of both of our efforts. You were wonderful in your continuation to move on despite the pain and the toughness. I was so impressed by your willingness to stand up and go on. This is the key lesson for life. Even when you are too tired and you feel you cannot go on anymore, you can actually stand up and move forward. If you do this, you will succeed in almost anything that you do. This is a really precious lesson. Take it with you everywhere you go. You are one of the few 10 year olds who stood at the top of South-East Asia’s highest mountain.

PARTNER – I HOPE TO CLIMB MANY MORE MOUNTAINS WITH YOU
What a glorious achievement! What a victory for you! I am really proud of you. You actually did it yourself. We were only there to guide you and to be a source of encouragement for you. I was thrilled to have made this journey with you and it was so meaningful to have been your friend and partner in this endeavor. I hope to climb many more mountains with you.

AND NOW THE TIME HAS COME – YOU WILL BE AWAY BUT NOT FORGOTTEN – I WILL LOOK FORWARD TO MANY OTHER TRIPS…..
And now the time has come for you to go. I will surely cry a lot of tears and I will probably recede into my favorite armchair in my own loneliness. I will miss you badly as I will miss El El, your Mummy Mindy and your Daddy Benny. But it will be you I miss the most – my partner, my friend, my encourager, my companion and my grandson. Yes, I will wish you God’s richest blessing and I know that this journey out is what will be good for you. I will need to subordinate my own feelings, my own wants for your good. Although you will be very far away from me, it will make no difference. My love will still bridge the furthest distances and reach out to you. Run with the wind, my darling Grandson and you too, my darling Grand daughter. Jordan and Jayden, I will look forward to run with you on some trips together. I love you all completely!

We will still have many more adventures together!

Your Grandfather, Hock Siew.