PART 3: Causes of Infidelity

Dream your pictures, paint your dreams. Don't let life get you down. Stay strong & rise above your circumstances. Each storm will pass you by and a new dawn will come (START READING FROM POINT 1 - POSTING ON 10 NOVEMBER 2008. THIS IS SERIES OF 5 PARTS ON INFIDELITY).

3...DEALING WITH THE SOURCES & CAUSES OF INFIDELITY

3.1...THE ROOTS MUST BE DEALT WITH FIRST
Using the analogy of the tree, cutting the "trunk" of infidelity is really only a temporary measure at best. Without digging all of its roots (and I stress 'all'), the re-emergence of Infidelity will soon come back. There is no other way to address the situation except through an extraction of all the roots of that evil. Often it is through a realization of the pain that it is causing loved ones that brings about a deep repentance. At other times, it is exposure of the infidelity that brings about the change. there are no easy ways to deal with infidelity. The roots have to be severed completely and it is not an easy task

3.2...THE DARK SHADOW OF THE INFLUENCE OF PORNOGRAPHY
Almost without fail, all those who are deeply involved with infidelity has got a pornography connection. The problem with pornography is that it is often kept as a secret and sometimes not even the close members of the family are aware of what is going on. Many men are addicted to strong sexual images and many can't even have sex without conjuring pornographic fantasies in their minds, such is the influence of pornography. Pornography has a sharp two-edged cut - one, it invokes a constant deeper involvement into hardcore pornography and two, it causes men to be dissatisfied with their wives. The pornographic images are almost of perfectly contoured bodies and any attempt at comparisons will almost always lead to disinterest in the spouses of men. Pornography is often a secret with grave consequences.

There is really no end to pornography. It delves deep into the spirit and it stays there provoking the body to long for those times where that deep inner need has to be satisfied. Almost without exception, pornography would cause a veering of the mind and the spirit into distortions and perverted imaginations. If a man is honest enough, he will say that life is a constant battle of trying to keep out image fantasies from his mind. If a really beautiful girl walks by, it will be the really virteous guy who can keep a straight face and walk past that image of beauty and desire without a second glance. That is how men are often caught up with their own little corners of desires and images that are not wholesome.

3.3...THE INFLUENCE OF BROKEN FAMILIES & ADULTEROUS RELATIONSHIPS
Often, it would seem that the men who have grown up in disjointed families (where brokenness and adulterous relationships have been an integral part of their upbringing) should have the strength to overcome such implicative and negative tendencies. Surprisingly however, many of the men who fall are exactly replicative of their fathers who were morally defective. The 'copycat' syndromme is often the trend in modern families.

3.4...THE INFLUENCE OF THE INTERNET AND ENTERTAINMENT
The image of models and 'stars' are projected into almost every area of our lives. The Internet has become such a supplier of pornography that it has become one of the largest and most signifciant revenue areas on the net. Entertainment in trying to secure ever -increasing revenue flows has joined in the trend towards liberalisation and fantsies to draw in the crowds. It is all about responses and demand. More and more, moral values are thrown to the wind in what ends up as entertainment. Information has also become a source of great moral declines. So long as the Internet maintains its high limits of tolerance, such liberal values would continue to churn out images of women and sex that are accessible to many. Those who feast on such presentations would soon treat infidelity with lower standards of concern.

3.5...THE FAMILY MAKE-UP
Without going into details of what is happening to modern families today, it is safe to say that families are beginning to deteriorate in their moves towards sexual emancipation. The lowering of standards is seen as an attempt to inculcate self-control and greater discipline. The arguments for a belief in the ability of people to make wise choices is today prevalent but it is flawed. That is why so many are falling into infidelity with drastic consequences.

Without restraints, the whole flow today is too strong to be countered. Not until people realize that the high price to pay for infidelity is a breakdown of the family unit will there be a move backwards into the moral acceptance of greater restraint and change.

Preventive controls are already too little too late. It is now about inducing the old-fashioned values of love and respect and about pushing the sanctity of marriage as the tools to be used against infidelity. There is still hope in such a push. If enough people stand up to speak for change, change can still come. It is now time to win proponents of fidelity to band up against the flow of too much liberalism. I have seen many cases of true repentance touching lives so strongly that they have changed for the better.

The move back into conventional spiritual values and a push for Godly intervention and help can be a catalyst for great change. It can and it must begin with us. It is like the small boy who was throwing back stranded starfishes into deep waters. An adult came by and seeing the thousands of stranded starfish littering the beach asked him, "Of what good are you doing when you can only help such a small fraction of the starfish stranded? What difference can you make to them, son?"

As a reply, he took one more stranded starfish and as he threw it back to the sea, he said to the adult, "For this starfish, I have made the difference.'

Yes, we certainly can make a difference. With small individual efforts, we can help men beat their infidelities and turn to build their families into strong and vibrant families impacting others.

NEXT: 4...BREAKING THROUGH AND BREAKING OUT OF ITS IMPRISONMENT